but we Russians, we have nothing but our Winter
21. cosplay hopeful, clumsy re-learning artist, sometimes author. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. courting a new-found passion for tea, in a long-standing relationship with british sci-fi shows, and forever appreciating pretty faces. Welcome to my humble a-blog! Proceed with caution and/or heedless abandon.


Get it together, angel!
Never mind, we’re doomed. Again.

(I don’t even know, but there was a friend, a Facebook thread, and several consecutive misunderstandings involved.)


Remembering can often be the hardest part of the path to recovery……

I didn’t just go back to face my past… I needed, more than anything in the world, to save something from the past… For a change.

  • me before winter soldier: winter soldier is gonna fuck me up
  • me after winter soldier: winter soldier fucked me up



and I’m always honest

#shitty run down apartment au where bucky comes back from tour with ptsd and inexplicably wakes from fugues to find himself in strange places#and he's staying at a motel but he keeps waking up on the roof of this building#and sam owns it and one day he finds bucky there still asleep#and wakes him with a hand on his shoulder thinking he's a beggar with no place else to go (which isn't far from the truth really)#and offers him a cup of cocoa and a warm bed because he knows weariness when he sees it; but he knows the ghosts of war even better#and he's still holding meetings at the local center for veterans and after a quiet half hour of strained silence he manages to get bucky to open up about the war#and he won't talk about much; won't even say where he's been just that he's been in combat and his mind is a mess#and sam knows when people are done talking and he knows to give them space so he lets bucky finish up the hot cocoa and claps a hand on his shoulder in passing and says#'i gotta get some shut eye. got an early start tomorrow. stay as long as you like and you know..if you ever need to talk i'm down at the center every wednesday night. you should come.'#and bucky just grunts noncommitally into his empty mug and says 'i'll think about it. thanks sam.'#and maybe he doesn't show; and he's not there when sam comes home the next night but something possesses him to drag an old couch up from goodwill out onto the roof#just in case bucky comes back and needs a place to crash#and maybe he does; maybe he doesn't. sam doesn't see hide nor hair of him for at least two weeks but sometimes he'll come up and sit on the roof and find the couch has been slept in: the pillows moved. the cushins dented#he finds a wristwatch down the back of it one day and keeps it on a whim#and when bucky finally does show one wednesday night: tucked away in a corner with his arms crossed and a ballcap to hide his face; sam offers him the watch and bucky takes it his face unreadable as he fastens it on his wrist#'thanks sam.' he says again and sam is beginning to think those are the only words bucky knows when he says eyes bright 'good talk. i think you really get it you know?'#and sam breaks into a smile pleased because all he's ever wanted to do was help#'yeah i'll bet the couch helps too huh?' he says and bucky starts in surprise like he thought sam didn't know#then bucky reaches up and scratches the back of his neck and says 'it's a piece of crap actually.'#sam just laughs and claps a hand on his shoulder saying 'like i said: it helps.'#what am i doing with my life#seb stan#accidental tag fic